adulthood, adulting, anxiety, bipolar, depression, life, mental health, mental illness, recovery, selfcare
Lately, I have been thinking about that funny old thing we call life and all the fun stuff that comes with it. You know what I mean, the heartache, the love, the pain, the laughter, the memories and all the bits in between.
I have been thinking about how introverted I have become and the effect that has had on my life and this is what I wrote:
I drown myself in words and pencils, drawing and writing about my emotions in the hope I don’t have to feel them anymore. I say fuck you to the world around for not accepting me at the same time knowing I have struggled to accept myself also. I am so embedded in my shell, where it is comfortable but lonely as there is only room for one.
Over time the layers have slowly become undone. The layers of shame, anger…
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complextrauma , sensorymodification , traumainformed
Fight, Flight, or Freeze (FFF) Responses
The brain is an interesting muscle. It can do so much and yet we don’t utilize
more than ten percent of its capabilities.
It is responsible for all the other muscles and functions in our body,
and it is multitasking all the time (consciously and unconsciously). It has this neat thing called neuroplasticity,
meaning despite any damage to some of its parts the muscle can be strengthened
and experience some healing. In trauma
this is evident in the fight or flight response, which has been expanded to
include freeze and fawn. You can read
more about these responses here,
but it is important to understand the basic brain structures in this response
Back in the caveman days we needed to stay alive, so our
bodies needed a way to keep us safe without overworking our muscles when it was
not necessary. Imagine…
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collapse, community, individualism, psychology
I want to share this amazing article by lawyer, grief therapist, ritualist, and community builder (wow, what a resume!), Holly Truhlar, about the complicity of mainstream psychology in the systems which are destroying our society and our planet. You can read the whole article on Holly’s website. And here’s a link to an interview of her on Last Born in the Wilderness.
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People will judge you anyway. So, do whatever makes you happy. Live your life as it’s your last. Let disappointment be the wind that pushes you up.
Above all, disappointments are a temporary bump on the road. It will be difficult as you travel through life.
But, you will be fearless and brave at the end. Think of it as a challenge. You were given that disappointment because you can handle it.
I’m a fuck up. That’s all I can do fuck things up. For myself. For the people I love the most. I’m a worthless waste of space. I cant be who I need to be for myself or anyone else.
All I do is make those around me miserable.
I drag them down. I have heard this my whole life.
I am only trying my best. It has never been good enough. Surviving for me means bringing pain to someone else.
I am so sorry to anyone that has known me. Sorry for existing. For not being brave enough not to.
I am too afraid to end my own life but cant bear going on anymore. I wish I could just fade away into black. To a place no one remembers or even knows about.
I am a lost cause.
If only someone would do me the favor, I’m sure…
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education, life experience, rebeleader, self mastery, story of my life, teacher, that thing that I do, truth
I grew up in the real world. I certainly am not an adolescent teen strung out on hormones, searching for acceptance from faceless, spineless people who are merely here due to circumstantial convenience rather than actually wanting to be friends with me.
I matured physically and intellectually because it was an inevitability, it is the course of nature that we age and ripen before we rot. That being said, I’m still totally a kid at heart. NOT AN INNOCENT INFANT, fuck no. I’m still a wild rebellious teenage little shit with daddy issues, apparently.
Appearances can be deceiving for although it may look like I grew up and out of supposed “it’s just a phase, dear,” angsty stylings, interests and quirks, I am just a master of knowing HOW TO ACTIN PUBLIC.
I really don’t need anything from you, my readership, my audience. Because it truly doesn’t matter what…
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be your own boss , motivation , real talk
I was not popular in school, and I was definitely not a ladies’ man. And I had a very painful adolescence, because it was all very strange to me. It wasn’t like I got beat up, but the humiliation and isolation, and the existential ‘God, I exist, and nobody cares’ of being a teenager were extremely pronounced for me.
There’s a magic trick I’ve recently picked up and it has proven successful in killing completely my desire to chase girls. Whenever I see a girl I’m attracted to and the desire to get her comes, I remember the times I’ve failed with all the girls I’ve had a crush on and it snaps me back to reality.
In other words I have quit the game on chasing women and focused more on improving myself. Chasing women will only chase them right out of one’s life. Men who are…
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I feel a compulsive need to be “good” and think only good thoughts, say only good words, and take only good action. And any time something goes poorly in my life, I tell myself I wasn’t good enough and I must have manifested it with some sort of negative thinking, and I must do better.
lifestyle , self development , spiritual development
Think about whether this sounds like you:
Your mind feels like it is literally going 150MPH. You have a million things to do and have no idea where to start. You feel overwhelmed by it all. That little voice inside your head keeps telling you that you will fail, that you can’t possibly accomplish all this stuff and be successful. All the negative thoughts are clouding up your mind like crazy. Your creativity is blocked and you’re always so distracted. And then all of this just makes you feel emotionally and physically EXHAUSTED.
Sound familiar? Well, it should. Every human being experiences this when trying to boss up in life. This, my friend, is what is called MONKEY MIND. You know how monkeys are crazy, swinging around all over the place? Well our thoughts are like that too.
“Monkey mind” is actually a term coined by Buddha which describes our…
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