Poor Self-Esteem

achievement, bad self-esteem, discouraged, disgust, dispare, fear, happy, poor self-esteem, self-esteem, sloth, success

Now is Today

The third in my trio (triad? trilogy?) of bad thoughts or beliefs which damage me. This would be damaged as in the past, plus damage as in current. The future is still a question mark.

I had called fear and sloth the dynamic duo, but upon consideration I decided that there was actually a trio made up of fear, sloth, and poor self-esteem. Or possibly poor self-esteem is the leader of the group with fear and sloth being just hench-feelings.

Now poor might be too gentle of a word. Terrible or horrible or disastrous would be much more accurate and descriptive.

Also, I question which came first, poor self-esteem or fear and sloth. Did poor self-esteem lead to fear and sloth? Did fear and sloth lead to poor self-esteem? Was it a different combination? Or did they all just appear together?

For fear is a natural human condition to help…

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You Have Time to Ground Yourself

30 days of yoga , be kind to yourself , consistent practice , living with ptsd , overwhelmed with ptsd , ptsd , ptsd and grounding , ptsd blog , working with ptsd , yoga , yoga and ptsd autostyle intro


I get overwhelmed somewhat easily.

When I do, it’s hard to un-overwhelm myself. I know there are a lot of techniques to do it, but it’s still hard to calm the waves of anxiety.

I practiced yoga every day for a month, and so far this month have done it once, and just a quick video to work on my hands and wrists. I sat in my desk chair and checked my watch every couple of minutes.

What I learned from that month is how important it is for my well being to do yoga every day.

Now that I’m not, I want to go back to that daily practice. It feels like all hell has broken loose since I stopped, and it has, but I also cope with stress and anxiety better with a daily yoga practice.

That said, I’ve been going nonstop since last Friday when I almost…

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When Everyone Abandons You

abandonment, anger, C-PTSD, CPTSD, depression, disconnected, Loneliness, mental health, mental illness, PTSD

The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

A realization came to me in mid-December. Someone I was close to, had spoken to almost every day for a year and a half, began ignoring me. It was easy to notice. I stepped away from all social media not wanting to be reminded that I’m being ignored. Maybe I said something that bothered this person. I apologized the next day, but they never responded. The realization I had, no one outside of work contacted me for almost a week. No one. Apparently, this person was my only friend. I told a coworker my situation and they helped me put things in perspective.

I moved from depressed to angry. I didn’t know the situation, but I felt used. I’ve had enough people ditch me because I didn’t give them what they wanted anymore. This felt like the same thing. So, I sent a message three days after my apology message…

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Ending a relationship

boyfriend, date, dating, depression, ending, girlfriend, happy, love, mental health, relationship, relationships, romance, romantic

Be Happy Now

I used to think a person could make me happy.

Honey, I’m here to tell you – that person is YOU.

A little more than a year ago, I was still in one of my first real, healthy relationships. He was good to me. He LOVED me.

Actually, he loved me more than I thought anyone ever would.

I found myself thinking that love would help me love myself, and love my life even more.

That wasn’t the case.

If you have someone like that in your life – GOOD. That’s an amazing thing. But don’t get lost in the idea that THAT love and THAT relationship can make you happy in all aspects of your life.

It can’t.

Only YOU  can do that.

I found myself staying with him only for those reasons. Not because of how I felt about him, or how we gelled together, or how I…

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The Difference Between Open-Minded and Closed-Minded People

metacognition, open minded close minded, Open Society, Questions and Answers, Ray Dalio

O Society

Why is it that some people seem to make constant progress in their professional and personal lives, while others appear to be doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over?

While the answer isn’t cut and dry, I’ve noticed an interesting mindset difference between these two groups: they approach obstacles and challenges very differently.

The first group approaches life with an open mind — an eagerness to learn and a willingness to be wrong. The second group digs their heels in at the first sign of disagreement and would rather die than be wrong. The way each group approaches obstacles, it turns out, defines much of what separates them.

So which group are you in?

Before you smugly slap an open-minded sticker on your chest, consider this: closed-minded people would never consider that they could actually be closed-minded. In fact, their perceived open-mindedness is what’s so…

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Running away… From everything

anxiety , depression , erotic industry , family , prostitution , relationships , sex industry . sex work , society

A life in the shadows

Dear people,

It’s been a long time since I wrote something.
That’s simply because my involvement in the erotic industry became almost non-exist
for the last two years now.
I was doing normal jobs in the meantime.
My last job went quite well (read: a job I could  keep for more than a year).

Unfortunately my anxiety and depression kicked in badly.
I told my boss a few months ago I wanted to quit my job to study again.
First problem. I didn’t have a plan and I still don’t have a plan.
Second problem. I didn’t tell my family. They still think I’m going back to work in January.
I’m so afraid to dissappoint them.
Telling them I have a bad, life-threatening illness (hypothetically) still seems easier to do than just telling the truth.

I’m tired. I want to run far away from all the deceit, lies, lies…I’ve told…

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Anxiety Sucks – we can do this together.

anxiety , bipolardisorder , blogger , coping , depression , family , mentalhealth , mother , ukblogger


Have you ever had an anxiety attack? I have. It’s not a pretty sight. At all! If not, well let me try and explain it to you in the best way I can. Have you ever felt like your head is screaming for you to do something but you can’t physically move? You feel sick with worry, your hearts pounding at a thousand miles an hour and your sweating balls. Breathing? What’s that… you can’t catch your breath back at all. It’s like running at the speed of light and trying to recover afterwards. In that split moment, with all that going on. You genuinely feel like your about to die.

That for me is my explanation of what I feel when I have a panic/anxiety attack. It’s nasty and it takes alot out of you. I’ve had times when I can’t even see people. I LOVE going to the…

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