Going gray is considered the best, perhaps only way, to deal with narcissists and other toxic people.  This is easy if you are completely breaking ties with someone you can walk away from.  But what about the people in your life you can’t escape?

Two summers ago I had a major altercation with my parents.  We had not talked for months, and  I was surprised when they asked to take me out to dinner.

The evening was fine.  We discussed frivolous topics.  Any time the conversation steered towards anything sensitive, I changed the subject.  It was hard work for me.  This is the part of “going gray” I did not understand –  going gray is not a passive endeavor, it is an active technique.

I was exhausted by the end of the evening.  As we left the restaurant my dad suggested we discuss what had happened over the summer.  I…